Is that how they remembered me or what they remember about me?

I have a big mouth.  The kind that seems funny for starters.  Not my greatest asset.  Not my worst either, though it has gotten me more than my fair share of problems.  I'm not blind to my self observation.  At least, I don’t think I am.  My personal opinion, about myself, I hope is realistic.  I know I seem funny and cool and all.  That's all good. 

Generally, I'd have to honestly say, I seem to get some sort of excitement in peoples' reaction to things I say.  Like watching my kids open gifts or my wife when I surprise her.  Nothing like it.  I really enjoy seeing people be happy and make them laugh.  This excitement I get builds some false confidence in me that just propels my words to the next level.  Trying to relate to them in an intimate way.  To establish the bond of trust and approbate myself to them.  In some ways, show an instant likeness to respect on impact.  This is not realistically possible, but the likeness leaves a favorable 1st impression.  The confidence I mentioned is false, I feel, because it is generated from words and not a genuine internal courage.  It's about as valid as the vapor on which it floats out on.  Real confidence from within takes time to build.  The fact that I have confidence to even talk to people is something I've had to build on over time.  I'm no Pitt or Clooney (except in age).  I don't have the luxury of looking awesome.  I've faced it, accepted it, and deal with it.  I'm born this way and don't have the funds to change that. 

Trying to talk to people when I was a teenager was almost too tough.  I was trying desperately to fit in at the beginning.  It wasn't until I embraced what I liked that I was able to have some confidence in my mannerism.  Conversation at that point was still nothing like it is today.  Nobody wants to talk to a acne-blasted, glasses-wearing, super skinny, teenager with messed up teeth and a different hair color every week.  It's just not in the cards no matter how great your personality or talents are.  I've known some pretty people.  They have been pretty every year I've known them.  Blonde bombshells, feisty redheads, brunettes with legs, guys that GQ, etc.  Just incredible looking people.  Some of them still are.  I could never really talk to them though.  I wasn't afforded those luxuries back then.  They stuck to their own and only seemed to venture beyond themselves if there was a benefit in some way.  I speak solely for the majority here not for that small percentage that doesn’t buy their own hype.  Over the years things have turned around.  I've filled out and look pretty normal.  The acne cleared up for the most part and I ditched the glasses after one too many grubby kids grabbed at them.  I toned down the worst parts of my chaotic personality, physically, and focused that more to my verbal skill.  People from my past whom I haven't seen in about 10 years or so always tell me the same general things.  Granted, 10 years is valid to warrant the notice of changes during the initial conversation upon reengaging the contact.  What I still don't get is what people will compliment on.  It makes me wonder 'is that how they remembered me or what they remember about me?'  All those things I've said prior are what people have remembered about me.  That sums up the whole of myself obviously.  It's just that I'm remembered as just one of those things most of the time to someone.  "Oh yeah!  The guy with the jacked up teeth that played guitar!", "Oh yeah!  The tall, skinny kid with all the acne!  He played that guitar.", "Oh yeah!  Buford and Bonne's son, with the purple hair and glasses.  He had that band.  Played guitar in it."  With the exception of playing guitar, someone always remembered one of the most negative things about me for, well, for the rest of their lives if they never saw me again.  This doesn't bother me so much now, I just kind of go with it.  It used to really get to me when I didn't know why they acted so different to me.  It wasn't until I met my wife that I understood exactly what other people are seeing.  What other people are remembering of me now.  Different versions of me.  I'm not sure which one I prefer.  Maybe the good skin of the guy I am today coupled with the more inhibited and physical intensity of the guy I was.  In some ways I am just happy to be what I am today.  A father and husband to an amazing family.  That plays guitar.  I'm kind of excited to see the guy I'll become in phase 3.  Needless to say, and to make this meandering story short, the confidence I have to personally talk to you has been a long time in the making.  I still initially feel timid on the inside but know that the possible outcome may be well worth it and that I may gain a new friend.  Don't be thrown at the humor and extra stuff I'm saying.  It's just trying to get to know you and ease into being comfortable with me.  Yuck.  That is embarrassing to say.  So what.  I would hope you remembered me not by some quick conversation meeting we had, in passing, that put me off as "some fake guy".  Instead, remember me rather as that guy with the blog that took the time to explain why the hell he's like that.